Unbelief

My story of unbelief began near the brink of my 16th birthday. At that time, I noticed that I was getting closer to adulthood and needed to decide on my beliefs and views on the world. My parent's weren't the greatest people to get advice from on this decision because they did not think for themselves. My Father was a Grade-A example of what I call the Indoctrination Cycle. This is when one is indoctrinated into the belief and religions of their caregivers and in turn do the same process to their own children. He was originally a Republican but after the 2008 election, he began to diverge into the slot of hard-core conservatism. All of his life views and beliefs could be summed up in an hours worth of Fox News and talk radio. His entire life had been based on living the beliefs of others, be it parents, Navy superiors, or TV/Radio hosts. Instead of keeping an open mind, anytime he came in contact with something contrary to his beliefs, he put it off as just another "Liberal Media Bias". My mother is an extremely compassionate and caring individual, but is sadly caught is the type of Christian that shrugs off religions problems as "something only God knows". Taking into account that these were not the best people to base my entire view of life on, I decided to make a mental journey through the realms of religion, politics, literature to attempt to create my own thoughts and views on the world around me. I decided to be unbiased as possible while at the same time not believing everything I was told. I began this intellectual process with the Bible, mainly because I was raised Catholic and wanted to look upon my religious world with innocence and logic. As I began reading this 1,000+ page book, I began to notice notice things that no one ever taught me in CCD and Religion Class. God in the Old Testament was a combination of ancient beliefs and prejudices. It was weird to think that such an omnipotent being would hold fast to such discrimination and hatred that we as a society have been trying to rid the world of for years. It was strange that a loving being who created the world would cater to the selfish wants of an ancient group in the middle east, helping them slaughter and destroy anyone who didn't believe in the same religion. He could have easily just have taught people how to compassionately try to convert people to the wiser way. These day's, it would seem like utter madness to kill someone for disagreeing with us. There is irony in the fact that most people who are strong believers in freedom of speech and religion are also supporting a book that is the complete opposite of it. A wedge between me and Catholicism had just begun to form. After the Bible, I read the God Delusion as an insight into Atheism. This book had many rational ideas, yet did not fully divert me from religion. What really did harder damage was my religion teacher. She was a fundamentalist Catholic who attempted to answer every question about religion. What really started to snap the rope between myself and religion is when questions I asked were getting answered in a way I didn't think possible from "religious" people. She was a pro life person, but when asked about the death penalty, she was in full support of it. Apparently man has no right to end the life of a being in the womb, but the second it grows up and is shown to be guilty of a crime he may have not of even committed, it's perfectly justifiable. That hypocritical statement began to shake the very foundation of my beliefs. What dropped the bomb on my former religion though was when I asked her why God would assist in the slaughtering of entire cities of innocent men, women, children, and animals. Her answer was that the Old Testament was a different time, and that God had to take whatever measures necessary to prevent his followers from being impure. I was mortified. She had just unknowingly justified terrorism and put it off as being a product of it's time. At this point in my life, I had internally renounced Catholicism. Any attempts at ending the closet atheism were halted in fear from my Mothers constant sayings of necessary belief to my Father's threats of HAVING TO GO TO CHURCH in his booming voice. Besides my conversion to being more peaceful and accepting, I was the same exact person, but I knew if I revealed anything to my parents, they would react the same way as finding out your son had just became a Satanic Cult Leader. I began to find that the most knowledgeable and supportive person in my life was not even related to me. My uncle by marriage to my aunt, an open minded and transgendered individual, was probably the only physical person I knew whose views I could truly grasp, understand, and accept. He had been through in the closet periods with his own family and friends, making him able to really understand what it is like to have to pretend to be someone else of fear. I also am recieving church funds for a mission to help abandoned children in Nicaragua, which I feel could be taken away due to my circumstances. I know that eventually I will be forces to reveal the truth to my family. Till then, I must live under the alias Mark Staco.